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We've been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome numerous obstacles, which I admire. However, she's repeatedly taken by surprise by others. Her spouse left her, which came as an unexpected event. Many of her social circle disappeared then, since they had been only interested in her husband. This surprised her deeply. She put in greater energy toward our bond, likely realised better what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

Over the years, several in her circle have drifted apart leaving her certain of the reason. Her last employer became hostile, despite the fact that she had been highly competent, her exit happened without knowing why things shifted.

Present Situation

Recently, we've both retired leading to more time together, yet I realize the part I play between us feels one-sided. I open discussion points only for her to redirect the talk toward her own topics. Regarding political views, she expresses firm beliefs. I try to propose double-checking information or other angles.

She is organizing a holiday abroad I have traveled to repeatedly even called home for some time. I attempted to provide insights, yet it was met with resistance. She really solely sought my agreement with her plans. I recently ended a month there she hopes to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling in this role who abandons suddenly abruptly, however, I feel she will ever grasp the effect of how she acts on my self-esteem. Currently, my state is avoidance mode. What should I do?

Possible Paths

You could walk away, but it is not often a smooth outcome we hope for. But confrontation aiming for a solution demands strength and readiness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step requires explaining the usual pattern when you talk. Aim for this to be as factual as possible and basically what a recording device would replay. Step two is to express the way it affects you emotionally. There should be no argument here. Emotions are your feelings, after all. Step three is to ask how you are both going to change the pattern between you."

Keep in mind she too has a point of view, so you need to be prepared to acknowledge it. An approach that works is to say your friend:

"Now you talk while I will listen without interrupting for half an hour."

It's wildly impactful for promoting understanding.

Final Thoughts

This person could ignore your concerns, for those who cling to a self-protecting mindset: they have a story of their life they're unable to release as it feels essential relies on it and it represents they trust. This is difficult because there's no easy route with these people, just dead ends. But she may at first react like this and then think your perspective. And even if you don't achieve a resolution, you'll have satisfaction that you've been honest with her.